DENTIST SIMULATOR

 ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, tomorrow I'm going to the dentist and I was sitting here thinking about that and also thinking about camp and fun, new things to do at camp and the greatest camp activity ever invented sprouted in my brain like an invasive species and completely took over the local ecosystem.

DENTIST SIMULATOR!

It works like this. Me and my crew of morally dubious campers prepare an examination room that looks remarkably similar to a patch of dirt. You lie down on the dirt and then we cover you in grass and sticks like that little bib thing they put on you. Then you open your mouth really wide and we just kinda look around in there while we ask you questions about your life and how your day is going. You have to keep your mouth open while you answer. 

Then we say: how often do you brush?

And you say: twice a day

And we say: that's not enough. double it.

Then we say: how often do you floss?

And you say: every day

And we say: we know that's a dirty lie. liar.

Then you put some water in your mouth and spit it straight up into the air while everyone else stands at a safe distance.

Then we look around some more and say: OH MY GOSH! 17 CAVITIES! You'll need a total mouth replacement. That'll be 20,000 smackaroonis! And then you won't be able to pay that so you have to come work for the dentist and pull more people into the trap. 

other options include:

-I explain what teeth are and how they work with an extremely limited pool of knowledge to draw from

-while you're lying there we just put a bunch of rocks in your pockets

-we make weird drill noises in your ear for a bit

-you try to see how long you can go without laughing. if you laugh, that equals a cavity

-we say we're gonna brush your teeth but really we just carefully apply sunscreen to your face because sunscreen is important

-this game is really just a con to get you to wear sunscreen