[a_g]: September 2016

Friday, September 30, 2016

The Path Decided

In a bedroom. Two twin beds with matching blue and white striped sheets are in the center of the room. A nightstand with a lamp sits between the beds. McMurtry is underneath the covers of the bed on the left, farthest from the door. He is wearing button-down pajamas with blue and white stripes that match the bed sheets. He also has a blue and white striped stocking cap. He yawns deeply. Kimbrough approaches McMurtry's bed wearing identical pajamas and stocking cap. Kimbrough places his hand on McMurtry's forehead to pull back the stocking cap enough to place a tender kiss on McMurtry's forehead.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry: Goodnight, Kimbrough.

Kimbrough tucks in the sheets and blankets around McMurtry. Kimbrough climbs into his own bed and turns off the lamp. After several seconds of darkness, McMurtry turns on the lamp and approaches Kimbrough's bed. He repeats the exact same routine that Kimbrough has just performed. Kiss on the forehead, tuck in the covers.

McMurtry: Goodnight, Kimbrough.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry flops onto his own bed, on top of the covers. He writhes in discomfort on his back before peeling off the top of his button down pajamas to reveal his stained undershirt. He tosses the pajama shirt on top the lamp and snores loudly.

After several seconds, Kimbrough exits his bed and places yet another kiss on McMurtry's forehead.

Kimbrough: Goodnight, McMurtry.

McMurtry snores a knowing snore in response.

Kimbrough flops face down onto his own bed and tears off his pajama shirt. His undershirt is similarly stained. His sheets and blankets are in utter disarray and halfway on the floor. Kimbrough, eyes closed and muttering incomprehensibly, wraps the shirt around his fist and smashes the lamp. It falls to the ground and shatters, plunging the room into darkness.

Moments later, all that can be heard is the duo's matching snores.

[end scene]

Crullered Cromics

Finger painted with neon tempera paint on index cards.

Word of the Bird #6

Thursday, September 29, 2016

P.C.S. just holding on

top note: if you hasn't seen it yet, there's a page where all of these "In a Bulding" posts are collected for easier reading!

tup note: P.C.S = paper clip scientist

At the office. McMurtry walks in holding a serious manila envelope and stops at the front of the room. Kimbrough looks up from the forms at his desk.

Kimbrough: Is that it?

McMurtry nods. He approaches Kimbrough's desk. He reaches his hand into the opened envelope and removes a piece of paper and slaps it down on the desk. Kimbrough's eyes scan the page and go wide.

The paper is a side-by-side comparison of Kimbrough and McMurtry's butt prints. Two rounded blobs, each appropriately labeled, crisscrossed with serious looking analytical science lines, showing that McMurtry's print is the larger of the two.

Kimbrough pushes back from his desk and sits on his tailbone. He shrugs and raises his hands slightly.

Kimbrough: OK, then. I guess that settles it.

McMurtry, stonefaced, reaches back into the envelope and slaps a second piece of paper atop the first. This one shows the results of a water displacement test. Kimbrough leans in again. At the bottom of the page it shows Kimbrough's butt to be greater in total volume. Kimbrough pounds his fist on the desk. McMurtry leaves the papers where they are and turns to walk to his own desk.

Kimbrough: Dang it! Dang it dang it dang it!

McMurtry: I almost thought we'd had it figured out.

[end scene]

Kimbrough and McMurtry each stand on top of a tall building on opposite sides of a street. They are busily scanning the roofs of their respective buildings for evidence. Kimbrough looks up at McMurtry from across the street.

Kimbrough: Hey! Are you wearing a pink tie today?

McMurtry: What?!

Kimbrough: Are you wearing a pink tie?

McMurtry looks down at this tie.

McMurtry: No!

Kimbrough: Well, it looks pink from here.

McMurtry: It's got red and white stripes. So it must look pink from a distance.

Kimbrough: I get it. Like an illusion.

McMurtry: I mean, I guess so.

Kimbrough: I probably should have noticed earlier. I'm not sure why I didn't.

McMurtry: I guess it's just (feeling the momentum leaving the exchange)...one of those...things.

Kimbrough: What?!

McMurtry: Nothing!

[pause]

McMurtry: I dropped my keys earlier and I think they broke a windshield on a car down there.

[end scene]

More Crullers

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

In a Bulding!

Kimbrough hangs up the phone. He sighs and rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes.

McMurtry takes a long sip from a 2 liter bottle of Sprite through an elaborate silly straw with many bends and loops. He manages to bring a few ounces of liquid to his mouth before gasping from exertion.

McMurtry: Who was that?

Kimbrough: Missing person reported. Said the guy was last seen standing on a corner eating an apple.

McMurtry: Sounds like an overzealous apple thief.

Kimbrough: Makes sense. It's basically the perfect crime. The one person who could help us catch him has been abducted and is probably at the bottom of some kind of underground dungeon lair full of giant saw blades.

McMurtry: It's all too easy.

Kimbrough: (imitating giant saw blade) tttttttzzzzzzzzcchhhhrrjjjjjzzzzz!!

McMurtry: rrrrrrrrrtchztchztchztchztchztchzsnaaawwwwwwwww!

Kimbrough: We gotta protect the orchards.

McMurtry: I'll put all units on round-the-clock surveillance.

Kimbrough: Burn half of them to the ground, just to be on the safe side.

[they get up from their desks and head to the door]

[end scene]

No Way. In a Bulding.

Kimbrough and McMurtry stand outside a fast food restaurant on a busy sidewalk downtown. Cars are rushing past. Pedestrians walk past the stationary men hurriedly.

McMurtry: Saw on the TV last night there was a criminal super duck causing all kinds of mayhem and destruction in town.

Kimbrough: Our town?

McMurtry: It was a fictional town.

Kimbrough: Fictional duck?

McMurtry: Fictional duck.

Kimbrough: Interesting.

McMurtry: Exactly. What kind of criminal duck wouldn't be super-powered? And! What kind of super-powered duck wouldn't be driven to a life of crime?

Kimbrough: You're saying there's a 100% chance this duck exists already.

McMurtry: There's simply no other option. But what's really scary is that the actual super criminal duck...in a metaphorical sense of course...the actual villainous mega-duck...is society.

[a large bus whooshes past and our view of the two is obscured]

[end scene]

Incidental Characters in a Bulding

Crullers

Crullerful.

Friday, September 23, 2016

In Another Bulding...20 years later.

Kimbrough turns his head away from the paper clip scientist being taken away in handcuffs yelling "I shoulda done it! I shoulda done it!" and gnashing his teeth. Kimbrough is facing the same direction as McMurtry, both looking out at the empty playground by the school. It is late autumn and the chill of winter can be felt in the breeze.

Kimbrough: You know why I got into this work?

McMurtry: Why's that?

Kimbrough: Thought it would be cool. Like a cool guy doing cool guy stuff.

McMurtry: ......(sniffs)

Kimbrough: Little kid getting kicked in the head by some nerd. That ain't cool. That ain't nothing.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

In a Bulding

Later.........

Kimbrough (looks solemnly at the ash and dust): Any survivors?

McMurtry: none.

Kimbrough: Dear god.

McMurtry: School website says there was a paperclip scientist presenting today.

Kimbrough (scoffs): Scientists. Bunch of madmen. They should all be chained to a rock and have their livers devoured every day for eternity (a charred human hand rolls past his feet like a tumbleweed or plastic bag).

McMurtry (both following the path of the hand with their eyes): Chief?

Kimbrough: They're trying to wield forces they can't possibly comprehend.

McMurtry: With all due respect, no one can deny the immeasurable contribution of paper clips to humanity.

Kimbrough (squints his eyes and gazes at the grey dim sky): And all our yesterdays have lighted fools. The way to dusty death.

[end scene]