Apathy Rules the World

Sneaking it in under the wire. A full month of hatman.

Getting along with others

Cutting down false-trees and putting up truth-cabins

The dourknob and hatman: messages for the kids who talk to themselves

Kid Qs!

Dourknob and HatMan advise the Youths!

And the legend continues!

After cleaning the uncleanable filths, directing heads of state, building and sabotaging rockets, saving cheetahs from extinction, working as a sales associate, hastening the extinction of polar bears, and many other momentous tasks and labors, an evil doorknob and a sideways-faced hat man have finally settled on providing guidance to the wayward and wide-eyed childrens of the free world. 

Questions, mysteries, puzzles and more will all be answered until something else different happens!

Advisors to the Archduke!

DourKnob and HatMan in....Clean Squad!

When messes get too out of control for the average clean squad, they bring in The Clean Squad!

BETTER GET READY FOR CLEAN!

CLEAN SQUAD!

In this universe, HatMan has a John Waters mustache.

In a downtown part of town...

The doorknob sets plans in motion.

Hat man thrilled to be carried along by the current.

Got my finger on the pulse

The cool kids now-a-days are all about swapping the first letters of insulting words that peaked in the 19th century! 

I've Been Tinged by a Knob on the Grey

Vitriol and fervor! This doorknob brings changes most strangest!

5 Three Sentence Thoughts on Fall

-Fall is a time of dying. What's fun about that? I wish there was a season that celebrated the feeling of casually deciding someone else's fate while they aren't in the room; that's a powerful feeling.

-I think we should retire the word 'autumn'. Maybe when Autumn was a young word it used to be cool and innovative and give lots of high-fives. Now it's old and we should chain it to a pipe in the attic and never talk about it.

-Fall smells different in a good way. I like when I meet people and they smell different in a good way. That's a positive quality of Fall.

-Sometimes you lose contact with people because of regrettable choices and circumstances but you encounter their smell again. That's the worst. I hate the dual nature of your transience, Fall!

-One of my favorite Fall traditions is not living in the moment and hiding from my own thoughts and feelings. Thanks, Fall. Without you, there would be anything to regret having not appreciated.

MonoBrow DoorKnob says....

Found in the dirt in a field of sinister pointy grass, something has made the jump from the big window to the tiny window in the bottom corner!

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!

In the Lair of

hat man couldn't find any style that he would accept.

Now hat man can't find someone to accept what he calls style.

It's called a conflict. I just invented it. It's going to revolutionize storytelling as we know it.

Where will hat man go? Who will hat man meet? What will hat man do? Can the results be generalized in any way? What about Santa? Love interests? Death interests? Smoke interests?

Stay tuned, dear reader. Stay tuned.

Top Man Trying to Make Style Now?

''Does anyone like this or hate this or....anything?''

Apple Head Dog Boss Executive says...

The Crablash!

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Elizabeth Appell (but actually The Maxx)

Some of you at home might think these are getting old

Good.

Shoop for the Moom!

How Mitch??

Many Stack of Face

This is like some sort of horrible cake thing. I like its front teeth the best. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you would look okay with this many extra face parts.

Foot Sand

Some 3 sentence thoughts about waves.

-Waves wash over the shore. Waves are like dish rags. They wash things.

-The shore to a wave is like a shower. The waves to the shore is like a shower that you can never escape from. A shower is a good way to describe something that gets wet--or dry in the case of things that are already wet all the time.

-Waves wash over the shore. It is a filthy shore. It is a shore in need of wash.

-

A Study of Pigs and their House

This guy is like my spirit guardian. And we're going on a journey. You get to watch. 

Chacken in a Can

Definitely not any of that style. Thanks but no welcome please!

A Hero? Or a Gyro?

Man In Top Hat On the Edge of the Frame.

These are trials of the Man in the Top Hat on the Edge of the Frame. People and monsters and heads tried to seduce him with their style. It did not work.

The man was brave. He always said, "No." He did not want anyone's style.

One day, the Prince of the Bad Place, the Evil Man, came from underground and told him to buy his style. The hat man thought about it. He decided to still say, "No."

Then the hat man faced a quandary. Was he good because he had said "No." to evil? Would he be able to say, "Yes." to good if it appeared?

The hat man tore off his own head and shook it around but neither good nor evil came out of it. Saying "No." to everything suggested the presence of a "Yes." but what would that "Yes." look like? The hat man had to know.

As the hat man groped blindly in the dark towards "Yes." he still encountered people and animals and heads asking him to take a part in their style. "No." he said. But now the "No." was hollow and only made him more confused.

A long time passed. The hat man saw lots of weird stuff. He saw a raccoon but it kind of didn't look like a raccoon, you know?

The hat man was so sad. He didn't want to keep saying "No." He wanted to say "Yes." but nothing felt right to say "Yes." to.

The hat man never figured it out. On the day of his funeral, only Santa Claus and some cool birds showed up. Santa said, "Here lies Hat Man; he should have made his own style instead of thinking there was something that he could say 'Yes' to. The only real 'Yes' is creation."

The End.

Another One of These and a Collection of Short Stories

Wholesome tears, The Idea of Putting On a Coat That Is Too Big, but barely 2/5ths of No-Fifths would consider tribing this on for style.

And now,

A Collection of Three Sentence Stories: Thoughts On a Woofer

#1- Titles give a sense of identity, unification, and purpose. Without a title, you wouldn't know how these are all related .This is the first one.

#2- This is the second one. A pattern is founded on repetition. Karl's arm snapped in half.

#3- Music is an arrangement of patterns. Some patterns are guitar solos. Extreme violence is both a pattern a kind of human guitar solo.

#4- The woofer brings the beats to the masses. When cool guys make music, it's called beats. Are you still listening?

#5- I've turned up the volume on the story. You might be asking, "Why isn't he using capital or bold letters or exclamation points?" Those don't actually make the story louder; you have to turn up the volume.

#6- You can't just destroy everything. What about the thing you're using to destroy stuff? Unless you got a second destroying thing to keep destroying after you destroyed the first destroying thing.

#7- In real life, it's impolite to pick people up and throw them off the top of things. It's a rule I've found to be conspicuously absent. What does the government not want us finding out?

#8- Sharks have to keep swimming or they'll die. They don't die of obesity and heart disease from not swimming like we do though. It's how they breathe.

#9- With the power of questions, you can challenge anything. You can even challenge the woofer. Make me give you all this candy or will I set every candle on fire?

#10- You might think a "woofer" is a weird thing to call a dog. It is. This is the tenth one.

#11- I didn't choose to be born. Or maybe I did. I should have chosen snake person, instead.

The End.

Der Plert Thickerns

Pleasant try, Check Minus Side Nose Brother Head! Like a population of any size would want go home to your fresh style.

Berry-toe Better Not Get Any Hefty Fines, M'Damselle.

Yeah right, Burrito Head! Like anyone would spelank you very much for your so-called "hot style"!

Howm Bouddit?

Think twice times about it, Check Minus Finger Fish Bucket Hand Head. Everyone named NO ONE would be caught dead pudding your style together.

Kick it at a Child Head, man!

Yeah, Check Minus Fish Head! Absolutely NOT ANYONE would liked to try on your styles.