He Stains All That He Touches

See the couch. He sat on it and left the 9 on it.

This is How I Live

Sometimes, I feel as if I can almost grasp the experience of the Rapmen.

I too feel boisterous and extravagant. My apartment boasts plenty of natural lighting and tapestries from far off lands.

If only I possessed a funky beat, and rhythm, and skills.

Oh well, even if I can never fit it to sixteen bars, I know the love and arrogance still beats in the chambers of my heart.

Rapping.

Lopp

Blog has been a bit neglected as of late. Oops.

I still have more posts for the year than all of last year though so if you want more things you should stop and be thankful that it isn't 2013 anymore!

Go back and read some of this year's instant classics...like...um...that one picture of the guy with the giant brain sitting on a pile of books while a train goes by in the background.

That's a winner.

Anyway, school is very consuming so I haven't had much time for the blog.

Read A Wrinkle in Time today. Strange book. A little disappointing.

Also did Comedybrew audition with a comedy powerpoint. I think it went well. I hope I make it to the final.

Be lovely.

Here's a picture of Luke's corner that writes its own response.

Pumpkin. For an Adjective Activity

I am large, round, and plump. I have a wrinkled, stubby stem. I am powerful. I am surrounded by all of my friends, and we are earthy and smooth. We are deep like an ocean. We are tall like a mountain. If you roll me down a hill and I crash into a Honda Civic, the explosion will be loud, pulpy, sticky, and orange.

7 sentences. 14 adjectives. GET AT ME!

All the Things School

No time for the posting.

Working on Comedybrew audition though with images from Snack Menus.

Comedy PowerPoint? Let's try!

Suspicious!

An Exercise in Shared Spaces 5

WHY WON'T ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW THIS CONE GOT HERE?!

Is this where cones should live?

A Bird On the Very Tippy Tup of a Tree

What a hoss.

Steering Wheels Also Make Great Celery Holders

Because sometimes you gotta pump that gas.

An Exercise in Shared Spaces 4

I don't have a picture of it, but today Luke was eating dark chocolate on the couch and somehow lost track of it and melted the chocolate with his body heat on my pillows. He realizes what he's done, holds up the pillow and says, 'I pooped on your pillow!'

Then he washed it. The poop pillow.

The Chanting Fellows

An Exercise in Shared Spaces 3

Oct 8th- a cup hidden behind MY nalgene.

Scene 1:

(cup is sitting in the middle of the table for the second day in a row)

Me: Hey Luke, are you going to use that cup again?

Luke: No, probably not.

Me: Could you throw it out?

Luke: Yeah. Sure.

(Luke picks up cup and goes to sink and fills it with water. Steps outside and sits on stoop)

Me: Cool.

(I exit and head to class)

(Luke sips his water and grins a fiendish grin)

Luke: He'll never know! He'll never know!

(Luke transforms into a wrinkly green hideous creature---something that could only be described as the spawn of a were-hyena and a giant brussel sprout. He licks his chops as his twisted brain hatches a most dastardly plan. He enters the apartment)

Luke: In this spot, the cup will remain for a dozen millennia and chaos and clutter will reign supreme!

(Luke transforms back into his normal Luke mode, eats an entire brick of cheese coated in Old Bay and Hemp Protein Powder and wanders around campus, takes like seven dumps, until he stumbles into the class he's 25 minutes late for)

(an hour or so later, I return to the apartment. I discover the cup.)

Me: ...really? He must be crazy.    

An Exercise in Shared Spaces 2

October 7th- Red iPod left in case on table in full view from side door made entirely of window. (also, knife)

Luke,

Let's talk about the flightless cormorant of the Galapagos Islands. It is a very unique bird. For thousands of years, the flightless cormorant had no natural predators. As a result, it lost the ability to fly in exchange for growing fat off of diving along the coast of the island.

"Flying?" *shrug*
from wikimedia commons

Just to clarify, when an animal has no enemies, it exchanges adaptations that help it escape for adaptations that help it fall in the water with its mouth open and stuff whatever it lands on inside of itself.

"Why would anything bad ever happen to me? Yuck yuck yuck!"
from wikimedia commons

Why am I telling you this? Because you have no natural predators, Luke. Like the flightless cormorant, who became dominant by trusting that life would always be good while the more paranoid, flighty cormorants starved from fear of their own shadow, you thrive in the knowledge that the land has and always will be kind.

But this is a cautionary story. Because eventually man discovered the Galapagos Islands. And when man arrived with his dogs and cats and pigs, they all found a bird that was not only incapable of escaping, but had no desire to escape. It was a bird that would walk right up to a large predator and allow itself to be picked up, coddled, and/or devoured.

This brave new world, that has such people in it, has not been kind to the flightless cormorant, Luke. It's basically just a pity project to keep this thing alive at this point.

And that is why I am stealing your iPod. Like a hardened, grizzled flightless cormorant who knows that the only chance for saving the species is to whip these stubby-winged, tea-time loving, namby-pambies into beasts of war. You gotta get mad! You gotta get mean! We can't just keep using our adorableness and our ability to breed quickly to make our problems go away! And do your dishes!

Love,

Andy

P.S. Who still has a 2nd generation iPod Nano??? Those came out in like 2006!

An Exercise In Shared Spaces

For every day of this month of October 2014 I'm going to take a picture of something my roommate leaves around the apartment and reflect.

Monday October 6th: a jar of Trader Joe's coconut oil was left open on the kitchen counter with the lid lying next to it.

Luke,

I do not understand. Living with you and trying to piece together the logic of your actions makes me weary. I conclude that you must live like a lab mouse in a maze. You have no larger sense of the world around you, only a series of unrelated turns and decisions that sometimes add up to cheese. You cannot look back, you cannot look ahead. You can only act in the moment and leave open containers of food scattered about the apartment--exposed to the elements--attracting all manner of vermin and microscopic spoilers of the air and my scorn. O, my scorn. My scorn that rises like a phoenix from its own ashes every morning when I witness the scrambled tatters of your myopic hustle and bustle as you fart your way in and out of this apartment.

Love,

Andy