I don't believe in ghosts. I don't believe in the supernatural. When I was little I would have trouble sleeping because when I closed my eyes I would see witches and horrible monsters. They would sneak into my room and eat me. In the daytime those things wouldn't feel real. They only felt real at night. What was I afraid of? The dark? Being alone? The unknown? Was it an overactive imagination? Was I not in control of my thoughts and how I felt about them? 

In a way it was an exercise to sit with my thoughts and be okay with them. Maybe that's what I got better at. It's not like I got smarter and knew those things couldn't be possible. I always knew they couldn't be possible. They felt real. Maybe I got stronger. Maybe I became more in control of myself and felt more capable. Maybe my imagination got weaker. 

What has changed about a person who isn't afraid of the things he sees in his head when he closes his eyes? What do I think about now? Sometimes I still get scared. Sometimes those feelings come back. Mostly I think about people. Mostly I just sleep. Or I put on a podcast. 

I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who is scared and alone and can't fall asleep at night. I'm sorry. What a feeling. 

And to everyone who is comfortable and safe and warm and cozy in their beds---unacceptable. Awful. How dare you. Have you no humanity? Trash goblin safe in their trash cave. Tiny monster that relishes in hideous behavior. Stinky.

my sister and mom do a lot of word puzzles

 I don't do any of them. I have to come home and rely on raw talent. I'm not out here training every day. And, you know, considering that, I think I do pretty good. I think I hold my own.

here's 7 letters

taiyain

Does that make a word? I don't know. My mom and sister would spend time trying to figure it out. Not me though.

the end.

it's not where you end up

it's who you become on your way to getting there

current projects

almost done with another big drawing on a large piece of wood paneling

have more stickers ready to go

ran a good workout on the charlottesville 10 miler course today

wrote some stories for camp. I might put a bunch of them together for a little book

today was a good day

11/11

 make a wish.

I've been pretty productive the past week despite not blogging much. 

The big event of the weekend is the Richmond 8k. My first and best time on the course was in 2018 when I ran 25:40. It was a bit of a shock to run that fast when I was running a ton of miles and not doing many workouts. Also my races afterwards were pretty lackluster. Anyway, a year later I had a rough go of it and ran like 26:50 on a cold day when I never really felt very good. I had a cold and a minor injury flare up in the weeks before so it was disappointing but not hugely surprising.

Going into this year's race, I think I have a good shot of breaking 26 minutes. The thing about Richmond is that the last mile is a screaming downhill. It's absurd. When I ran 25:40 I came through 4 miles in 21 flat (5:15 mile pace) and ran the last .95 miles in 4:40. About a month ago I ran a 4 mile race on a cross country course in 21:58. So, I think it's pretty reasonable that after a month of good training and switching over the roads, I should be in shape to break 26. 

Regardless of how the race goes, I'm happy with how the Fall has gone. Back in August I felt really speedy and quick over short distances and I thought that would translate to some really exciting workouts later on. Turns out, there are no shortcuts and you need to run really hard workouts to run impressive times. 

To speak in more concrete terms, my benchmark for good good fitness is how much work and how easy can I make 5 minute mile pace feel. Probably my best workout of all time was 5x1600m repeats on the track with about 4 minutes rest between and I started at 5:01 and worked down to 4:51 for the last rep. Or maybe it was 4:53. But I knew I was in great shape and I haven't really matched that workout in about 4 years. But, at the same time, when I ran that workout, I had done a lot of work at 5 minute pace or faster building up to it. Since then, I haven't really attacked that pace the way I did that season. I've tried to get cute by doing things like running a ton of miles, or running a lot at 5:20 pace, or running shorter distances at 800m pace. My goals and training partners have also lacked consistency. Anyway, the plan in December is to do the thing. Really focus on 5 minute mile pace and also doing workouts on the 10 mile course, which is my ultimate goal. 

Again, I don't think this Fall's training has been bad. I'm in good shape and I'm really confident about doing this training so I've set myself up well. I guess I was just a bit over optimistic in thinking that I could hit those peak workouts by focusing on other areas of fitness and then just show up and hit a dinger on the first try. It's gonna take some attempts. But I don't think it's far off.

thats enough rambles for today 

the train rolls by

I love running. I love the feeling of movement. 

it seems like virginia will have a republican governor

 this is terrible. how? how can this be possible?

saw mom on Halloween

thanks for visiting mom :)

I'm glad we can finally agree the news is awful!

also enjoying the delicious apples