Team Puberty and Barbecue Turkey

That was my trivia team's name. Puberty.

It's a great underdog team name. Puberty is the eternal underdog. Or maybe everyone sees it differently. In my mind, puberty is the eternal underdog. And I think most movies would agree with me. Because those movies are written by nerdy writers.
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My sister and I were just discussing how at points in our lives we weren't sure if our mom was really who she said she was. Maybe she'd been replaced with an imposter. I'm pretty sure I had that suspicion about anyone I was close to when I was young, including my sister. I openly called her a, "communist robot" several times. I've also learned that that it is a "condition" or "mental illness". But that applies to adults. I don't think the same rules apply to little kids. They can be as crazy as they gotta be.
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Barbecue Turkey! I love you! You're all warm and soft and covered in sauce. How'd you look so good? I wish I could make a giant body cast out of Styrofoam or some sort of space-age plastic if you prefer, and I'd fill it with you, Barbecue Turkey. And I'd let you marinate for nine months in a bunker guarded by dwarves and cardboard cut-outs of Celine Dion! Then I'd dig you up and you'd be my best friend and wear an oversized t-shirt that says, "It's my happy birthday and everyone gets a slice of happy ice cream cake!" and there'd be a picture of smiling old man's face with white hair and false teeth. And at night I'd read you your favorite bedtime story, Barbecue Turkey: The Tale of a Few Hours Long. It's a few hours long but I never get to finish because I always get sleepy and fall asleep on your warm chest. And then the slow steady beat of your meaty-meat heart brings a gentle rhythm to my dreams.

Barbecue Turkey! I want to give you the kind of life I never got to have. I want you to never have to go over to your neighbor's house while their heating dinner, and you just stand in front of their door and watch them eat dinner and you're waiting for Sherry and Scott to come outside and play but their family takes forever to eat and they never acknowledge you but you're standing right there watching them so you're kinda hard to miss. Why won't you look at me!?

Barbecue Turkey, I'll never have to choose again, between dinner and friendship. Because you're both! Formed into a delicious loyal homunculus that will stop people from sassing me! I've had enough sass to last me until I have to eat Barbecue Turkey through a straw! And hopefully someday I will, Barbecue Turkey. I hope we can grow old together, and watch our grandchildren battle in a violent spectator sport invented the future, not unlike cage fighting.