youtube video essayists make me irrationally angry

competitive people don't say they're competitive

people who say they're competitive just like the idea of being someone who wants to win at things. truly pathologically competitive people deny any accusations of wanting to win to avoid giving their opponents any insight into the all-out war that is about to begin

me to me when I buy the 3 teenage boys in my CPR/First Aid class slices of pizza because they didn't know they were supposed to bring lunch

BLESSED IS HE WHO IN THE NAME OF CHARITY AND GOODWILL SHEPHERDS THE WEAK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DARKNESS FOR HE IS TRULY HIS BROTHER'S KEEPER AND THE FINDER OF LOST CHILDREN!

top 3 songs right now

 AI Squidward "My Way": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFdwr3jZs7Q

Lil Wayne "Let the Beat Build": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh6stJscR28

Lemon Twigs "When Winter Comes Around": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGCd8cNFLd0

skeebity beep

 oh man. they changed the grade colors at rocky top. this is a huge day. now instead of sending blue tapes, I'm trying to send uh...pink tapes? Something like that. Pink and purple tapes I guess. It's a whole new system. Chaos chaos chaos.

reminder to future self

 don't be freaked out and stressed about taking outdoor education/adventure type courses. they're super fun and cool. you should do more of them because they're great and make you feel good about yourself.

because of win-diesel

 It is time that I become a best-selling children's author. My first and only book will be a remake of the classic novel Because of Winn-Dixie only my novel will be Because of Win-Diesel, which will feature famous American film actor, Vin Diesel as the dog but also just playing himself.

Here's an excerpt:

"Come on, Win-Diesel," I said to the 6ft tall muscular man.

I started walking and he followed along behind me as I went out of the produce department and down the cereal aisle and past all the cashiers and out the door.

Once we were safe outside, I checked him over real careful and he didn't look that good. He was big, but skinny; you could see his ribs. And there were bald patches all over him, places where he didn't have any fur at all. Mostly, he looked like a big piece of old brown carpet that had been left out in the rain.

"You're a mess," I told him. "I bet you don't belong to anybody."

He smiled at me. He did that thing again, where he pulled back his lips and showed me his teeth. He smiled so big that it made him sneeze. It was like he was saying, "I know I'm a mess. Isn't it funny?"

It's hard not to immediately fall in love with Win-Diesel, who has a good sense of humor.

"Come on," I told him. "Let's see what the preacher has to say about you."

And the two of us, me and Win-Disiel, started walking home.

Chapter Two

That summer I found Win-Disiel was also the summer me and the preacher moved to Naomi, Florida, so he could be the new preacher at the Open Arms Baptist Church of Naomi. My daddy is a good preacher and a nice man, but sometimes it's hard for me to think about him as my daddy, because he spends so much time preaching or thinking about preaching or getting ready to preach. And so, in my mind, I think of him as "the preacher." Before I was born, he was a missionary in India and that is how I got my first name. But he calls me by my second name, Opal, because that was his mother's name. And he loved her a lot.

Anyway, while me and Win-Diesel walked home, I told him how I got my name and I told him how I had just moved to Naomi. I also told him about the preacher and how he was a good man, even if he was too distracted with sermons and prayers and suffering people to go grocery shopping.

"But you know what?" I told Win-Diesel, "you are a suffering star of the Fast and Furious franchise, so maybe he will take to you right away. Maybe he'll let me keep you."

Win-Diesel looked up at me and wagged his human-version of a tail. He was kind of limping like something was wrong with one of his legs. And I have to admit, he stunk. Bad. He was an ugly film actor and producer, but already, I loved him with all my heart.

When we got to the Friendly Corners Trailer Park, I told Win-Diesel that he had to behave right and be quiet, because this was an all adult trailer park and the only reason I got to live in it was because the preacher was a preacher and I was a good, quiet kid. I was what the Friendly Corners Trailer Park manager, Mr. Alfred, called " an exception." And I told Win-Disiel he had to act like an exception, too; specifically, I told him not to pick any fights with Mr. Alfred's cats or Mrs. Detweller's little yappie Yorkie dog, Samuel. Win-Diesel looked up at me while I was telling him everything, and I swear he understood.

"Sit," I told him when we got to my trailer. He sat right down. He had good manners. "Stay here," I told him. "I'll be right back."

little joys

 yesterday I was being groceries and there was a really cute older couple walking through the frozen food aisle. At one point the man stopped a woman and said, "Excuse me, miss. Could you please tell my wife the secret to carrying a purse that small?"

And everyone laughed. very cute

my doctor looked at my diet and said I need to DOUBLE my pbj intake

plot twist: I'M my doctor!

I know I'm on the right path

 I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing

felt like I was mean today :/

not even really mean but I didn't make an effort to be positive when I could have.

oh well. set intentions and do better next time. At least I recognized it.

Anyway had a good long run.

now I'm really really really really really

hungry 

beautiful day out

 I was feeling a little off for a while and then on tuesday I came down with a really minor cold and that's probably why I was feeling off in the days leading up to it. It's on its way out now but I'm ready to feel better again. It's been a weird week. Nothing was bad but the baseline mood was lower than normal. I'm proud of myself for treating myself well and listening to my body. Looking forward to next week where it should be a little warmer and I'll feel more like myself.

a happy birthday by ted kooser

This evening, I sat by an open window
and read till the light was gone and the book
was no more than a part of the darkness. 
I could easily have switched on a lamp, 
but I wanted to ride this day down into night,
to sit alone and smooth the unreadable page 
with the pale gray ghost of my hand.

where I come from we call this brooding hour. he captures it perfectly

looking out my window I see the flat topped roof of the neighboring building and in a puddle left from the rainstorm the red light of a beacon on a tower in the concrete plant in the distance reflects and shimmers and shines in even blinking intervals